How can you tell if someone loves someone else unconditionally? Is there really such a thing?
Is love conditional when you expect to be treated well in a relationship? Or a friendship?
Where do you draw the line between loving unconditionally and being taken advantage of?
Your opinions would help.
I'm tired. I'm going to sleep now.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A lesson about patience
I got so angry at work earlier that I was literally red in the face.
This chief of staff of some congressman person was doing a follow up on his boss's project. He was having a bad day. He said that he was talking to my boss and then my boss said she would meet with him yesterday but didn't and their meeting was postponed to Friday but then he was texting and calling my boss but she didn't respond and so now his boss just sent him to our office so he'll know what to do. My boss wasn't there so I was the one who entertained his inquiry.
He was so rude, he was almost shouting at me. He kept referring to his conversation with my boss he had earlier that day which he insists I should have known about. I was asking him information about his inquiry but he just said things like "ang sabi kasi ganito... bakit kasi hindi mo alam?". Ugh, so frustrating. He was talking down on me! Eventually I just asked him to wait while I figured his case out. I felt so insulted with how he treated me, and I really thought of him as a horrible person. Fortunately, my co-workers were there to appease me somehow.
After I calmed down and thought about it, I understood where he was coming from. He was frustrated, because he wasn't getting what he needed for the longest time, and maybe his boss was also giving him a hard time. He was having a bad day, and that's probably why he was like that with me.
I then remembered the times when I was having a bad day. Was I also like him? Did I also unknowingly treat people badly? Most probably. I remember myself snapping at cashiers or call center agents, or even my friends and family whenever I was having a hard time. Of course then, I was so preoccupied by whatever issues I was having that I didn't even consider how they felt. Now I know. It feels awful. Even if afterwards when I came to my senses I understood where that man was coming from, at that moment when he was almost shouting at me, it felt awful.
This is why from now on, I have to constantly remind myself to be more patient, and be more sensitive. No one deserves to feel awful. I don't ever want to make anyone in my life feel how I felt earlier today. Even if I know that the people closest to me will probably understand and still love me if I snapped at them, I have to do my best not to.
Anyway, I was able to help this guy after I made him wait. When I got back to him, he was more calm. Judging by the tone of his voice, I knew he wanted to apologize for how he acted earlier. I just smiled and sent him on his way.
So yeah, I need to be more patient. It's nice how I learn things :)
This chief of staff of some congressman person was doing a follow up on his boss's project. He was having a bad day. He said that he was talking to my boss and then my boss said she would meet with him yesterday but didn't and their meeting was postponed to Friday but then he was texting and calling my boss but she didn't respond and so now his boss just sent him to our office so he'll know what to do. My boss wasn't there so I was the one who entertained his inquiry.
He was so rude, he was almost shouting at me. He kept referring to his conversation with my boss he had earlier that day which he insists I should have known about. I was asking him information about his inquiry but he just said things like "ang sabi kasi ganito... bakit kasi hindi mo alam?". Ugh, so frustrating. He was talking down on me! Eventually I just asked him to wait while I figured his case out. I felt so insulted with how he treated me, and I really thought of him as a horrible person. Fortunately, my co-workers were there to appease me somehow.
After I calmed down and thought about it, I understood where he was coming from. He was frustrated, because he wasn't getting what he needed for the longest time, and maybe his boss was also giving him a hard time. He was having a bad day, and that's probably why he was like that with me.
I then remembered the times when I was having a bad day. Was I also like him? Did I also unknowingly treat people badly? Most probably. I remember myself snapping at cashiers or call center agents, or even my friends and family whenever I was having a hard time. Of course then, I was so preoccupied by whatever issues I was having that I didn't even consider how they felt. Now I know. It feels awful. Even if afterwards when I came to my senses I understood where that man was coming from, at that moment when he was almost shouting at me, it felt awful.
This is why from now on, I have to constantly remind myself to be more patient, and be more sensitive. No one deserves to feel awful. I don't ever want to make anyone in my life feel how I felt earlier today. Even if I know that the people closest to me will probably understand and still love me if I snapped at them, I have to do my best not to.
Anyway, I was able to help this guy after I made him wait. When I got back to him, he was more calm. Judging by the tone of his voice, I knew he wanted to apologize for how he acted earlier. I just smiled and sent him on his way.
So yeah, I need to be more patient. It's nice how I learn things :)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Happy Sunday! :)
I had a nice Sunday! :)
I felt a little sick in the morning, probably because of the Juju Cleanse I just had. Because of this, I wasn't able to do the Jessup footnotes for A. Cris. :( I hope she understands, and I hope she's not too stressed with Jessup.
It's a good thing that I eventually got better. I watched the Feast via the internet while recovering. Bo gave another good talk. He said: "Focus on the purpose, not the problem." When a person does this, eventually, the problem will become irrelevant. I will do my best to do this everyday. I look forward to the day when this heartbreak becomes totally irrelevant in my life. I am gifted with so many things and I know I have a special purpose in this world. I need to get back on track soon :)
Afterwards, I met with TIm in UP. I attended a Victory Church service. It was similar to the Feast, but it focused more on interpreting the Bible. I liked it when the people there prayed for each other. I felt the energy of their prayers.
After the service, Tim helped me buy my first Bible. I like it so much, it's pink :D. It's also very handy. I'm excited to read it. I hope I can get inspiration from it every day.
Tim introduced me to Ate Lyn, her helper, and Rai, her former classmate.
Rai seemed like such a bright person. She is taking her Ph.D. in Economics in Germany and is now on a research visit. I admired how she seemed so happy with what she is doing. I miss being like that. I claim that I will be soon! :)
We also ran into Kuya Jules, a photocopy machine attendant in Law. He had a heart attack recently, so we wished him well. He said he was looking for alternative methods to heal his ailment. I just hope our prayers for him will help.
Tim and I decided to have lunch in PB Co. I was so excited to eat after my cleanse! I had the Diablo Fish Pasta with half a Sesame Peanut Butter sandwich on the side, and Iced tea. I wasn't satisfied afterwards, however, so I had another half sandwich of Sesame Fried Fish. :) So yummy! :)
I then attended Tim's small group. My good friend Dianne joined us. The Bible lesson this time is about Manna and Quail. The moral is, sometimes, even when we are so blessed, we complain, because we focus on our problems. This is part of being human. However, we must always keep in mind that even during out toughest times, God will always give us enough (like the Manna and Quail). This message is so perfect for my situation.
I need to remind myself that I am so blessed with my health, resources, family and friends. No matter how sad I get, and no matter how tough things get for me, I have enough. I have enough to get me through this.
I am so excited! It feels like I'm finally getting the fresh start that I want.
I plan to start these habits starting tomorrow:
- Come to work on time
- Exercise after I wake up
- Clock in 3 hours of study time
I'm also thinking of doing a fast, but more on this later.
I felt a little sick in the morning, probably because of the Juju Cleanse I just had. Because of this, I wasn't able to do the Jessup footnotes for A. Cris. :( I hope she understands, and I hope she's not too stressed with Jessup.
It's a good thing that I eventually got better. I watched the Feast via the internet while recovering. Bo gave another good talk. He said: "Focus on the purpose, not the problem." When a person does this, eventually, the problem will become irrelevant. I will do my best to do this everyday. I look forward to the day when this heartbreak becomes totally irrelevant in my life. I am gifted with so many things and I know I have a special purpose in this world. I need to get back on track soon :)
Afterwards, I met with TIm in UP. I attended a Victory Church service. It was similar to the Feast, but it focused more on interpreting the Bible. I liked it when the people there prayed for each other. I felt the energy of their prayers.
After the service, Tim helped me buy my first Bible. I like it so much, it's pink :D. It's also very handy. I'm excited to read it. I hope I can get inspiration from it every day.
Tim introduced me to Ate Lyn, her helper, and Rai, her former classmate.
Rai seemed like such a bright person. She is taking her Ph.D. in Economics in Germany and is now on a research visit. I admired how she seemed so happy with what she is doing. I miss being like that. I claim that I will be soon! :)
We also ran into Kuya Jules, a photocopy machine attendant in Law. He had a heart attack recently, so we wished him well. He said he was looking for alternative methods to heal his ailment. I just hope our prayers for him will help.
Tim and I decided to have lunch in PB Co. I was so excited to eat after my cleanse! I had the Diablo Fish Pasta with half a Sesame Peanut Butter sandwich on the side, and Iced tea. I wasn't satisfied afterwards, however, so I had another half sandwich of Sesame Fried Fish. :) So yummy! :)
I then attended Tim's small group. My good friend Dianne joined us. The Bible lesson this time is about Manna and Quail. The moral is, sometimes, even when we are so blessed, we complain, because we focus on our problems. This is part of being human. However, we must always keep in mind that even during out toughest times, God will always give us enough (like the Manna and Quail). This message is so perfect for my situation.
I need to remind myself that I am so blessed with my health, resources, family and friends. No matter how sad I get, and no matter how tough things get for me, I have enough. I have enough to get me through this.
I am so excited! It feels like I'm finally getting the fresh start that I want.
I plan to start these habits starting tomorrow:
- Come to work on time
- Exercise after I wake up
- Clock in 3 hours of study time
I'm also thinking of doing a fast, but more on this later.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
God sent me an Angel
An amazing thing happened yesterday.
I was having a hard day, being generally sad because of recent events in my life. It was one of those days when I I just felt the need to cry every so often. I was at the office, so I went to our comfort room and cried there. I also prayed. I asked God to please help me through the day.
I was having such a hard time! There was not so much to do at work and I was running out of inspirational articles to read (If you know sites other than Bo Sanchez, Thought Catalog, and The Single Woman, please let me know!) so it took me some extra effort to pick myself up.
I made plans with a friend after work. Since we were meeting in Technohub, I just walked there from work.
As I was crossing Visayas, this guy called out to me: "Ate, UP ka rin?". I just smiled and said yes. He said he saw my UP ID lace. And then he asked me if I was an intern too like him. I laughed and said no, I work already. He was shocked! "Graduate ka na ate??". Haha. I laughed even more and said yes, I've actually graduated from two courses already.
He exclaimed that I looked so young. Of course I was flattered! Any UP Law graduate would be flattered if given that comment! He then said, "Ang galing galing, bakit mukhang bata ka pa rin?". I responded, "Maybe it's my height?". But then he insisted, "Hindi ate, it's your whole look."
And so we ended up walking to Philcoa together. He turned out to be from PUP, not UP. My ID lace was gold and maroon, like theirs, so he was confused. We just laughed about it. And then, his eyes turned bright and said, "Woah, eh di sa UP ka nag Law ate? Ang tali-talino mo siguro!". That comment just made me smile. You see in UP Law, I never felt "ang tali-talino". In that school, I always felt like what I did was never enough. I think most of us students there did.
And so we got to Philcoa and he had to cross the footbridge, and I was to go on to Technohub so we split ways. We didn't even exchange names. I don't know, but after that talk, I felt a lot better about myself.
There I was, feeling like the biggest loser in the world, and then this complete stranger comes along, takes a look at me, and says "Woah!". And then I thought, maybe God sent me this angel to give me a glimpse of how he sees me. :)
I was having a hard day, being generally sad because of recent events in my life. It was one of those days when I I just felt the need to cry every so often. I was at the office, so I went to our comfort room and cried there. I also prayed. I asked God to please help me through the day.
I was having such a hard time! There was not so much to do at work and I was running out of inspirational articles to read (If you know sites other than Bo Sanchez, Thought Catalog, and The Single Woman, please let me know!) so it took me some extra effort to pick myself up.
I made plans with a friend after work. Since we were meeting in Technohub, I just walked there from work.
As I was crossing Visayas, this guy called out to me: "Ate, UP ka rin?". I just smiled and said yes. He said he saw my UP ID lace. And then he asked me if I was an intern too like him. I laughed and said no, I work already. He was shocked! "Graduate ka na ate??". Haha. I laughed even more and said yes, I've actually graduated from two courses already.
He exclaimed that I looked so young. Of course I was flattered! Any UP Law graduate would be flattered if given that comment! He then said, "Ang galing galing, bakit mukhang bata ka pa rin?". I responded, "Maybe it's my height?". But then he insisted, "Hindi ate, it's your whole look."
And so we ended up walking to Philcoa together. He turned out to be from PUP, not UP. My ID lace was gold and maroon, like theirs, so he was confused. We just laughed about it. And then, his eyes turned bright and said, "Woah, eh di sa UP ka nag Law ate? Ang tali-talino mo siguro!". That comment just made me smile. You see in UP Law, I never felt "ang tali-talino". In that school, I always felt like what I did was never enough. I think most of us students there did.
And so we got to Philcoa and he had to cross the footbridge, and I was to go on to Technohub so we split ways. We didn't even exchange names. I don't know, but after that talk, I felt a lot better about myself.
There I was, feeling like the biggest loser in the world, and then this complete stranger comes along, takes a look at me, and says "Woah!". And then I thought, maybe God sent me this angel to give me a glimpse of how he sees me. :)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Starting from scratch
This is the first time in a long time that I will post something substantial on this blog. I have never seen myself as a writer. I am not the kind of person who could write something worth reading at any given moment. I just write when I feel like it, and well, you've guessed it. I feel like writing now.
The idea of writing on this blog again came to me after a quick conversation with a friend. I told him, maybe I should start keeping a diary so I would be forced to do something interesting every so often so that I would be able to write in it. He said that if I was serious about this idea, then I should start a blog, because then it would be public and there would be pressure to write. The idea of exposing my thoughts on such a public platform made me give him the automatic response of "I don't think so". While on my way home, however, I remembered that I already have a blog, and yes, I have exposed myself before, so maybe it's not that bad. Makakatipid pa ako. My blog isn't that popular anyway, hehe. So here I go.
I already feel better about it after typing those two paragraphs :). By "it", I refer not only to the idea of writing, but also to the rut I am now in. You see, there are two reasons why non-writers such as myself are brought into writing: being very happy, or being very sad. I write when I'm very happy because I just can't contain myself and I want to share it and I want to immortalize that feeling by writing it down. I write when I'm very sad because it's a way for me to transform everything I feel into something I can read, observe, and analyze. Somehow, reading what I wrote about how I feel helps me make some sense out of this web of emotions.
So what happened? I got dumped. Ouch. It's so hard to type that, but I have to do it. The first step to moving on is accepting the situation. Isa pa. I got dumped. Sakit pa rin. Haha! See? I'm already joking about it. Rejected, discarded, deemed unnecessary and unwanted. It sucks, big time. It also happened at the worst possible time! Just before my birthday, just before Christmas. And also, as my good friend pointed out, at the time when I'm in Limbo.
Why am I in Limbo? I just graduated. I graduated late, which means all my batchmates have already taken the bar and are looking for real jobs now. I do have a job, but it's not a "real" job. Well, it is, but I say it's not "real" because it's not what I really want to do. I keep it so I get money, that's it. Yes, I will be taking the bar, but it's still a year from now. I am studying for it, but not "really", since it is too early. So I'm in Limbo because I'm not really doing anything "real" right now. Not like before, when I was on track, when ever single thing I did I knew I did for a purpose, and on a schedule. I feel stuck, and I always feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen. Add all this up with the fact that I just got dumped by a person I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, and you have a very very sad person, starting from scratch.
I can't be sad forever. I don't want to be. I in fact try not to be every single day. I pray, I read, I pep myself up, I do what I can, but these things don't cut it anymore. I have to step it up. My good friend said that I should do what I love to do. But what do I love to do? Haha. I spent so much time trying to be the perfect girlfriend that I forgot already.
To help me get back on track, I am making a list of things I think I love to do. The next step is finding a way to do them. Okay, so here's the list:
1. Having interesting conversations with people
2. Watching funny movies or shows
3. Singing
4. Reading fiction
5. Traveling to new places
6. Enjoying food
7. Pampering myself
8. Studying Law
9. Learning new things
10. Keeping myself fit and beautiful
I hope this helps.
The idea of writing on this blog again came to me after a quick conversation with a friend. I told him, maybe I should start keeping a diary so I would be forced to do something interesting every so often so that I would be able to write in it. He said that if I was serious about this idea, then I should start a blog, because then it would be public and there would be pressure to write. The idea of exposing my thoughts on such a public platform made me give him the automatic response of "I don't think so". While on my way home, however, I remembered that I already have a blog, and yes, I have exposed myself before, so maybe it's not that bad. Makakatipid pa ako. My blog isn't that popular anyway, hehe. So here I go.
I already feel better about it after typing those two paragraphs :). By "it", I refer not only to the idea of writing, but also to the rut I am now in. You see, there are two reasons why non-writers such as myself are brought into writing: being very happy, or being very sad. I write when I'm very happy because I just can't contain myself and I want to share it and I want to immortalize that feeling by writing it down. I write when I'm very sad because it's a way for me to transform everything I feel into something I can read, observe, and analyze. Somehow, reading what I wrote about how I feel helps me make some sense out of this web of emotions.
So what happened? I got dumped. Ouch. It's so hard to type that, but I have to do it. The first step to moving on is accepting the situation. Isa pa. I got dumped. Sakit pa rin. Haha! See? I'm already joking about it. Rejected, discarded, deemed unnecessary and unwanted. It sucks, big time. It also happened at the worst possible time! Just before my birthday, just before Christmas. And also, as my good friend pointed out, at the time when I'm in Limbo.
Why am I in Limbo? I just graduated. I graduated late, which means all my batchmates have already taken the bar and are looking for real jobs now. I do have a job, but it's not a "real" job. Well, it is, but I say it's not "real" because it's not what I really want to do. I keep it so I get money, that's it. Yes, I will be taking the bar, but it's still a year from now. I am studying for it, but not "really", since it is too early. So I'm in Limbo because I'm not really doing anything "real" right now. Not like before, when I was on track, when ever single thing I did I knew I did for a purpose, and on a schedule. I feel stuck, and I always feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen. Add all this up with the fact that I just got dumped by a person I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, and you have a very very sad person, starting from scratch.
I can't be sad forever. I don't want to be. I in fact try not to be every single day. I pray, I read, I pep myself up, I do what I can, but these things don't cut it anymore. I have to step it up. My good friend said that I should do what I love to do. But what do I love to do? Haha. I spent so much time trying to be the perfect girlfriend that I forgot already.
To help me get back on track, I am making a list of things I think I love to do. The next step is finding a way to do them. Okay, so here's the list:
1. Having interesting conversations with people
2. Watching funny movies or shows
3. Singing
4. Reading fiction
5. Traveling to new places
6. Enjoying food
7. Pampering myself
8. Studying Law
9. Learning new things
10. Keeping myself fit and beautiful
I hope this helps.
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