Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts

Monday, January 28, 2013

DFA Stress

I'm so worried that I may not be able to make it to my flight to SG on Feb 15 :(

I set an appointment for passport renewal early January, and the earliest available date was on January 28 (today), but the site said that I could get my passport as soon as 7 working days after if I availed of the expedited process, for an extra fee of course. So I was comfortable in the assumption that I could get my passport on Feb 6 at the earliest.

When I got to the renewal office, however, there was this announcement that the passport printer in BSP is broken so there will be extra delay. The poster said 5-7 days delay or more, but still, I was hopeful. An hour after and it was finally my turn, and I was accommodated by this woman who crushed all my hope. She said that the earliest possible date I could get my passport is on Feb 15, the day of my flight, but I shouldn't get my hopes up. She forced me to sign this waiver even.

Oh, sigh. Now I'm calling up people trying to find a way to make things work. I can only hope for the best.


Monday, March 15, 2010

Why love doesn't work for me

 One of my tried and tested principles in life is that if I really want something, I should work for it, because if I work hard enough, I can get what I want. I say this because throughout my life, I have seen myself excel in those things which I both want and work hard for. It was never enough for me to just want something or just work hard for something; these two things, I have learned, should go hand in hand for me to be happy and to grow and excel.

For example, in my studies, I always try to make each semester challenging, because I realized that I want things that are hard to get . I need to keep myself motivated, or else it is safe to expect that I will slack off and get low grades. I realized this when I got to college. I didn't like my course that much so I didn't want it and didn't work that much. Things changed when I started taking subjects with terror profs, and getting involved with many things so I'd be forced to juggle everything and use my time wisely. Also, when I was in my undergrad, I genuinely wanted to go to law school after graduating, but I thought my chances of getting in were slim because I was not an honor student. This challenged me even more so I worked very hard and thankfully I got in, and was even part of the top 100 passers. Anyway, I think you get the idea.

I have practiced this principle in all the aspects of my life. When I want something, I discipline myself so I can get it, and if I have to do something, I try to make things interesting so I'd want it to be able to work for it - and as I've said, I usually excel when I practice the principle properly. I always get what I want. There is however one stubborn exception to this, and that is love, falling in love, and being in a romantic relationship.
 
Of course I want to have it. Of course I want to live happily ever after. I don't even have to come aup with a way to make it interesting. The want factor is there.

I can honestly say that I have worked hard to make each of my past relationships work. Of course I've had my share of mistakes and immature decisions, but I have done my best to explain, to communicate, to compromise, to adjust, and to make sacrifices.

The thing with love is this: no matter how much you work for it, it won't work unless the other person works just as hard. God knows I have tried to motivate that other person to do so.. but of course I cannot force it on that other person. Unfortunately, I have not met that person who wants me enough to work hard for me also, and does actually work as hard as I do to make things work.

Of course being a relationship shouldn't be equated to work. Somehow there has to be a natural connection, but a connection can only take a pair so far. Difficulties and differences are inevitable, and for a pair to get over these, a little, or sometimes, a lot of work is required. In all my relationships, I have always been willing to work for it but unfortunately, I have not met that person who has the same level of willingness.

Right now, I don't think I ever will meet such a person.

As I've said, the want factor is there. I don't think that's in any way wrong. So is it wrong that I work hard for it? If it is, then maybe I am bound to live a loveless life. I can't not work hard for something that I want. I can't just leave it to fate. I can't just sit around and wait for something good to happen. That's not me. When I want something, I must work for it. If I don't, then that means I don't want it anymore. As I've said also, these two things must go hand in hand for me to be truly happy.

I have been working hard since I was 15 years old. I am dog tired. Of course I still want to fall in love and live happily ever after, but I am so tired. :( I wish I didn't want it anymore so I could rest.

Monday, December 21, 2009

A quotable quote from BESH

Anonymous: Intindihin niyo naman yung boyfriend ko, hindi niya naman sinasadya maging selfish... :(

Besh: (While touching Anonymous's shoulder) O sige, magpakatanga ka lang diyan sa boyfriend mo ha? Good luck!

:D

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Super delayed fallout much?

I don't know. For some reason I can relate to this song. Feel free to speculate hehe :D.




"PARTING GIFT"

I opened my eyes
While you were kissing me once more than once
And you looked as sincere as a dog
Just as sincere as a dog does,
When it's the food on your lips with which it's in love

I bet you could never tell
That I knew you didn't know me that well
It is my fault you see
You never learned that much from me

Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
You were always good for a rhyme
And from the first, to the last time, the signs
Said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted

It ended bad, but I love what we started
It said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started

I took off my glasses
While you were yelling at me once more than once
So as not to see you see me react
Should've put 'em, should've put 'em on again
So I could see you see me sincerely yelling back

I bet your fortressed face
Belied your fort of lace
It is by the grace of me
You never learned what I could see

Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
You were always good for a rhyme
And from the first to all the last times, all the signs
Said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted

It ended bad, but I love what we started
It said 'Stop' - but we went on whole-hearted
It ended bad, but I love what we started

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Walls

What I know about them: I've built them around me, and they're sturdy enough to last my lifetime.

What I didn't realize: They're pretty hard to break down.. even from the inside.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Lessons learned from relationships

I'm taking a break from posting past blogs. Nakakatamad pala afer a while :D.

These are the lessons I've learned from my past relationships. I hope these stick to me even if and when I enter into a next one. These lessons are applicable to me, and I am not in any way imposing these lessons on others. :)

*Do not let a broken heart get in the way of what the rest of you can do.

*Your life is your life. Don't let anyone else decide on it.

*There are two kinds of "control": (a) the ones that are out of love and concern; and (b) ones that are out of ego and a sense of "owning" you. Appreciate the first kind. LEAVE once a guy imposes even just one of the second kind.

*Love=care and concern, but you don't have to be a nanny. He's a grownup and is supposed to be self-sufficient.

*NEVER be sorry for being successful EVEN while he's in the dumps. If he makes you feel sorry for it, LEAVE.

*HIERARCHY OF VALUES: Family, friends, boyfriend. RATIONALE: The first two groups have been there for you through ALL of your boyfriends. Boyfriends come and go. Even husbands come and go.

*Personality plus brains over looks. Looks should matter only insofar as improving the race. Hehe.

*"Mayaman" = has good earning capacity or potential, and is NOT = wealthy parents.

*Your boyfriend should be PART OF YOUR LIFE, you shouldn't create your own world.

*Yes, an exclusive "boyfriend time" is essential, but it shouldn't encroach upon the other things you need to do. (See last item)

*LISTEN to advice ESPECIALLY the ones from your family. They know you more than you realize.

*When the relationship has become more of a headache than of a good thing, it's time to end it.

*Whenever there's a problem, it shouldn't matter who takes the first step in solving it.

*There are two kinds of problems: (a)ones arising from something either of you did; and (b)ones arising from either of your personalities. As for the second kind, it is important to have an evaluation of whether or not "changing" is the right thing to do.

*It is absolutely necessary to be able to have ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS with you boyfriend. "Actual conversations" means conversations that are about things OTHER THAN your feelings for each other.

*Guys that make you prove, or worse, CONSTANTLY prove that you love them are total wusses and are a waste of time.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Hurtful statements

Date: April 6, 2008
Account: Multiply

mama and ninang: our waistlines were never that big when we were your age

missy: kuya, mataba ba ako?
kuya: oo
missy: grabe, hindi ka man lang nag white lie
kuya: the truth will set you free...

mami jeff: nak, ang taba mo na

lester: kapatid, tumataba ka

gladys: batch, tumataba ka..

andrew: andrea, tumataba ka yata?

gama: taba!

alvin: tumataba tayo ah..

butones ng shorts: *pop*

haha. nothing serious, BUT I REALLY HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT, right? haha....

I had to see it for myself

Date: March 16, 2008
Acoount: Multiply

i had to see it for myself.. before i believe in what they told me..
the terrible, terrible news i heard.. i was horrified at the thought.
i was thinking, no, it can't be true, maybe someone else is behind it, someone who wants to break us apart..
but i saw it. i did. i read everything, and now i am close to tears.
THERE HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF EXPLANATION FOR THIS
i do not shed my tears easily, but i am right know. that is why i know that i am genuinely affected and hurt.
:((

I am counting my blessings

Date: January 29, 2008
Account: Multiply

Tough times.
So much stress, so much pressure. So many problems.
An inevitable day, a pivotal task, a troubled mind, a broken heart.
In spite of all this, I am thankful.
I am thankful for my family. Not everyone is blessed with a supermom, a close-to-saintly kuya, and of course, generous titos and titas, as well as cool, supportive cousins. I will forever be grateful to them. They serve as my inspiration. The thought of making them proud is my motivation. They have invested so much in me..

I am thankful for being surrounded by some of the best people in my school. My councilmates, my orgmates, my sisters. They have kept me sane. Our shared experiences have taught me many things, and have given me plenty of moments that I will cherish.

I am thankful for my friends who have stuck with me through all these years. It's good to know that they are always there for me.

I am thankful for the new opportunities that life has given me.

I thank the Lord for granting my prayers.

I am thankful.

What do you expect?

Date: December 4, 2007
Account: Multiply
Context: Just had a long chat with Ms. Melani Borra :D

no, i'm not being childish
no, i'm not being unreasonable
nor irrational
nor overly emotional
i am a woman
this is how i am supposed to feel!

Hinagpis ng sirena

Date: November 10, 2007
Account: Multiply
Context: Too many non-single/just broke up with my gf guys were hitting on me. Medyo nakakairita tong post na to pero kailngan pangatawanan. Oh well.

@#$%^&&*&^%#%#^%#$!
hindi ako natutuwa sa inyo
kung wala kayong magawa
kung gusto niyo magpalipas ng oras
dahil nawalan kayo
o iniwan
pansamantala man o permanente
wag
ako
ang lapitan
niyo!!!
hindi ko kailangan ng paghanga niyo
mga papuring huwad
mga pagtingin na puno ng kababawan
may
laman
ako.
may
nararamdaman.
lumayo
kayo
sa akin.
hindi ko kayo kailangan
%$%$*&^%&^$&%$#%*^$(&%(%!!!!!!

Am I eready to kiss dating goodbye?

Date: October 13, 2007
Account: Multiply
Context: This SO did not happen. Wahaha.

After a long, long time of not seeing each other, my besh lovely and i met at her place, kanina lang.
As usual, we made chika.. Talked about our friends, shared stories, talked about whatever,, and of course, updated each other on what's happening with our love-lives.
The thing is, i'm not sure if i actually have one, (it's complicated!!!) or if i'll ever experience a love-life at all (no, i'm not being pessimistic!).
My besh gave me a book, "i kissed dating goodbye" by joshua harris. She told me that reading it will help me understand and improve my situation. Hay.. Unang buklat pa lang may God na, and honestly, that put me off. "Subukan mo lang basahin", sabi ni besh. Fine!
I just read the first chapter, and I have to admit, the author has a point. Maybe this book really can help me.
Am i ready to kiss dating goodbye? We'll see..

Who will sing for me?

Date: October 17, 2006
Account: Friendster
Context: Nagfeeling poet lang ako. In fairness marami naapektuhan. Haha.

the sun shines
i wake and wear my smile
and start to sing my song
and then they come, the broken fools, they come and they surround me
they listen to my song, they breathe and feel refreshed
they say my song can heal
they say my song can touch
they stay there and listen, until they feel whole again
the sun sets
and i find myself alone
my smile fades, and i ask myself
where have they all gone?
-missy-

Addicted

Date: October 5, 2006
Account: Friendster


i am turning into a junk food junkie!!! agh!!! i always crave for junk food… but i call it "comfot food", haha! i’m so stressed out kasi… and when i’m stressed out i want to eat… junk… i hope i don’t gain too much weight…
i need to stop… someone, help me… @_@

Spongebob Squarepants

Date: October 3, 2006
Account: Friendster
Context: I can't remember.


hmmm.. i feel like a sponge right now, i feel like i am absorbing every single (bad) thing that’s happening around me.. agh, why am i like this? i’m not supposed to care.. at least, i’m not supposed to care this much!!! why do i feel like everything is all my fault, and that i have to solve everything?
i feel so restless, hopeless, always worried.. :( someone please, help me, waaahhhh i’m going crazy… hahahahahaha
i am so tired. but i still wish i could do more.

This is how you make me feel

Date: September 15, 2006
Account: Friendster
Context: Hindi maka get over sa ex. Haha.


WHO KNEW
pink

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
Uh huh
That’s right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That’s right
If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them up
Cause they’re all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they’re long gone
I guess I just didn’t know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I’ll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
What happened
If someone said three years from now
You’d be long goneI’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong and
That last kissI’ll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew